


i just wasn't made for these times

by flowerswithme



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bi!Steve, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Coming Out, Lesbian Robin Buckley, Mentions of homophobia, Period-Typical Homophobia, sorry for all the beach boys songs, steve deserves a FAT ASS hug, they belong to the gays now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 22:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20022358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerswithme/pseuds/flowerswithme
Summary: Robin invites Steve to join her and some friends for food at a local diner. With the help of Robin's friend, the beach boys, and loneliness, Steve finds himself.





	i just wasn't made for these times

**Author's Note:**

> another coming out fic no one asked for but i felt the need to write. thank you for deciding to read this, enjoy!:-)
> 
> (shoutout to my girlfriend for asking me to write this prompt, love ya<3)

"Why isn't anyone in this whole shitty town interested in me, Robin?" Steve was on his daily fit about his lack of attention from the Hawkins girls that come in and out of their rundown video store. He rested his head against Robin's shoulder, covering most of her face with his hair.

And everyday, Robin said the same thing, "they've outgrown your moves, Steve, and _I've_ outgrown your fits, okay?" Her exasperated eye roll told Steve he should get back to putting movies back on the shelves.

They've been working together at the local run-down video store ever since the whole Russians-controlled-the-mall-and-Hawkins-was-destroyed incident was uncovered, but their friendship has remained strong since the night Robin came out to Steve.

"But _Rooooobin_ ," Steve whined, "I'm _loooonely_." Robin actually took offense and smacked Steve in the shoulder. "How dare you, you come over everyday after our shifts!"

Steve huffed, "yeah, yeah, I know, but I just want to go on one date, have a little fun." His pout was in full force and Robin felt for her friend, knowing all too well how it feels to just want a good kiss.

"Okay, since you're _soooo_ lonely, how about joining me and some old friends for dinner at Jack's?" The diner Robin mentioned smelled like burnt butter and they never seemed to update the 50s and 60s music that plays from their jukebox, but Steve would give up hairspray for a lifetime supply of their coffee.

Steve thought about it, and ever since Henderson gave him the ‘you shouldn't care what other people think’ talk, he is more open to ideas he would've gagged at before.

"Alright, I'll bite." Robin laughed and reached to ruffle his hair before Steve swatted her hand away like a middle-aged mom.

✧ ✧ ✧

  
"First rule: you do not make fun of my friends." Steve mockingly scoffed at Robin, "Me? Make fun? I always loved the theater and band nerds." Steve smiled at Robin as they walked into the doors of the diner. The smell of grease and familiarity hit Steve instantly. There were open tables and booths everywhere, meaning Robin's friends hadn't shown up yet.

"What if they don't even like me?" Questions like these threw Robin off because before they became friends, she assumed Steve's confidence was through the roof. Now, he's just as bad as her, maybe even worse.

"Steve, bud, if I can like you, maybe they can too." There was no teasing in her voice, just friendly reassurance, and Steve believed her.

As they took their seats in the green booths with torn up plastic seats, a friendly waitress with soft brown eyes and even softer brown skin came over to introduced herself. "Hello, I'm Miss Mabel. What can I get you two to drink?" Right on cue, both of them ordered coffee. Miss Mabel laughed at their enthusiasm. "Okay, okay, two coffees coming up."

Before even walking off, Steve asked, "could you please bring extra cream and sugar?" She smiled at Steve like a mother smiles at her children, "I'm on it."

"Stupid Cupid" by Connie Francis flooded their ears from the jukebox while Steve flicked toothpicks at Robin. That is until the bell at the entrance rung, and three teens walked in. Two of them were girls, and one of them was a guy. All of them smiled like the sun, and Steve suddenly got warmer.

"Robin! Hey!" The girl with brunette hair and blue eyes came over and hugged Robin with excitement while the red-headed girl stayed near her guy friend. She looked towards Steve over Robin’s shoulder and said "Is that ' _The Hair_ ' Harrington?"

Steve, recoiling from the old nickname, sheepishly smiled and waved, "Yeah, but you can just call me Steve."

The brunette stuck her hand out, "I'm Angie, nice to see you, Steve." Her smile was welcoming, and Steve was secretly hoping he never gave her a reason to regret being here. After their greetings, Robin decided to move beside Steve while the other three sat in the booth facing them.

"So there's Angie, Summer, and Damian." Summer and Damian still seemed a little off, but Steve decided to take initiative. "Hey guys, I'm Steve." They both peered at him and kinda did a ‘we know’ look before smiling and saying hello.

Summer was fair-skinned and had small freckles on her cheekbones. Her red hair had no match for her bright green eyes. Her teeth are a little crooked, but it never prevented her from grinning all the time. When looking at her, she was taller than Robin and had more weight to her, but that didn't stop Robin from going on her tip-toes to squeeze her tight. Angie, with her chocolate curls and blue eyes, had tawny, yellowish-brown skin and wore white eyeliner on her bottom lashes. Pink lipgloss was her loyal go-to. Her full cheeks did not shy away from blush and she had no shame wearing a crop-top that showed her stretch marks. Damian’s skin was an ochre color, reminding Steve of the sand near the lake. The boy's brown eyes were highlighted by the jet black eyeliner he had on. His jaw was tight, and his curls were cute. His body was more slender than Steve’s, but he moved with such poise and grace. Steve kinda got stuck on just how.. pretty he was.

Robin broke him out of his trance and he noticed Damian giving him a little smile. "We just ordered coffee right now, you guys get what you want." Steve could feel her leg bouncing and gave it a small tap with his knee.

Angie had somewhat of a Hispanic accent, you could only really catch it when she rolled her R's and stretched her vowels. "Robin, babe, since when did you swing towards Harrington?" They all laughed and Robin was quick to shut that idea down. "We are not a thing,” She turned toward Steve, “he's my best friend." Hearing that made Steve's cheeks turn a little pink. This night has been keeping him awfully warm.

Steve paid extra attention to Damian when he began to speak. "So you just happened to befriend the world famous jock of Hawkins High?" Steve felt like they were only really talking to Robin to address their friendship and he didn't want them to see him as his old self. "We, uh, actually met working together at Scoops Ahoy before the mall was closed down."

Summer, out of nowhere, got closer to them and said, "did you guys know beforehand about the shit that went down there?" Steve and Robin nervously laughed and denied that they ever noticed anything.

Steve realized his cup of coffee was about to get cold and started pouring in three little cups of cream and three sugar packets. Everyone watched him as if they were watching a dog walk on its hind legs. "What?" he asked, "Black coffee tastes like acid." They all burst into laughter and started teasing Robin. "See! Told you, Robin! Black coffee is nasty." Their giggles wore off just as Steve picked up on Buddy Holly's "Everyday" playing in the jukebox. They all started humming it together before bursting into more giggles.

Miss Mabel brought over more coffees and waters before taking their orders. "What would you kids like tonight?" Everybody but Robin ordered pancakes. She insisted on getting a slice of their famous cheesecake with strawberries on top. Summer was quick to say, “I should've got that, it's always been my favorite.” Robin sheepishly smiled at her and offered the girl a bite. Summer hummed around the fork, and it almost looked like Robin stopped breathing for a second. Huh, Steve thought, she makes that same face when Princess Leia comes on screen.

“So, Steve,” Angie started out, “any fling you got going on?” Her eyebrows waggled, obviously teasing the lonely boy. Steve sadly chuckled, “no, no, it's just me and Buckley right now.”

Robin made a face of disgust, “refer to me by my last name again, I _kill_ you.” Everyone laughed and Steve mouthed “I’m sorry” but Robin just lightly knocked his shoulder with her hand. Steve continued, “but in all seriousness, I just haven't connected with anyone.” They all nodded, sympathizing with his struggle. Just as they returned to their food, Steve noticed “Wouldn’t it Be Nice” by the Beach Boys tiptoeing throughout the diner and Steve felt something in his chest, something aching. I mean, yeah, it would be nice, he found himself thinking.

While pouring more syrup over his pancakes, Steve could feel a brown-eyed stare on him. He looked up and Damian locked onto his eyes. Steve knew his cheeks were pink, and he didn't try to hide it this time. Damian offered a soft smile, and Steve returned one. Suddenly, his pancakes tasted sweeter. Also, why was Robin so shaky when it came to Summer?

In between bites, the group chatted about pretty much everything. From the latest Indiana Jones movie to new music from their favorite bands, and even old highschool memories. Obviously, Robin and her friends had very different experiences compared to Steve, but nonetheless, they only cared to mention the good times. While listening to a tale about Angie’s seven minutes in heaven with some cute boy during their theater production of Grease, Steve picked up on Robin and Summer sharing a strong gaze. Robin was bright red while Summer’s eyes lit up like the stars above.

The mood became delicate when Damian decided to share his fondest memory. “Robin was the first person I came out to.” Everyone quieted and stared at the teen. “I was crying after a theater performance. The one night my dad ever wanted to see me, I had to wear eyeliner, and he called me… ya know. A faggot.” Robin’s hand reached across the table to find Damian’s while Steve mentally flinched at the mere thought of his own dad seeing him with makeup or sitting with these kids at the diner. Damian began again, “she found me crying in the dressing room and just kinda held me there. She just knew. And then she eventually came out to me. We were absolute messes and our mascara made us look like raccoons.” A soft, sad chuckle escaped his lips. Everyone had misty eyes, even Steve, but there was this pang in his chest that he could not name. Something that made his breath pick up a little. Pulling him from his random thoughts, Robin grabbed her coffee and raised it toward the middle of the table, “to surviving.” Everyone, with their cups of coffee, chimed in and repeated, “to surviving!”

After their homage to life, the group noticed how late it was and began to pay for their meals and head out. Robin had her arm linked with Summer while Angie chatted their ears off about a new guy she was seeing.

Meanwhile, Damian purposely bumped his shoulder into Steve’s. “Y’know, King Steve, you're not as bad as everyone made you out to be.” Steve could feel the sweat on his palms collecting inside his jacket pockets while trying to ignore the intense sensation in his stomach. “Oh, uh, th-thanks, Damian. You theater kids aren't so bad yourselves.” When Steve finally faced him, Damian’s features suddenly softened and everything felt.. calm. There was a song playing that heightened this hazy takeover, and when he looked at the jukebox, he saw Santo and Johnny’s “Sleepwalk” spilling out from the speakers. Surrounding them in the melancholic _swoon_ of an electric guitar. There was a small thought that invaded Steve’s state of mind; he couldn't tell whether he admired how vulnerable and handsome Damian is, or if he genuinely feels a pull towards him.

Completely unpredicted, Steve felt skin against his forehead, and noticed Damian’s fingers reaching to brush his curl out of the middle of his face. “Do your eyes always get that big, Harrington?” Steve just shook his head and laughed nervously. Since Damian was a bit taller than Steve, he had to look up at him in order to return a smile accompanied by a pink blush across his cheeks and the sides of his neck.

“Hey, Dinguses! Let's go, we're tired!” A voice that only belonged to Robin broke the dog Steve found himself in. Damian laughed, “we’re coming! God, so bossy!” He looked back at Steve and smiled, while Steve just shyly chuckled. “Yeah, lets go.” They walked out the diner and out into the summer heat. The diner lights illuminated the pavement bright red, the only thing really anchoring Steve’s mind on earth.

“Uh, hey, Harrington? Would it be cool if we all got rides?” Summer spoke to him in a softer voice, noticing his eyes transfixed on the ground. Steve looked up, “Yeah, yeah, sure. There's enough room.” Everyone smiled, grateful for not needing to take the long walk to their homes. “Alright! Let's pile in.”

✧ ✧ ✧

Summer's place was the first house they stopped at. She ran over to Steve’s window and gave him a quick hug. “Thanks for the ride and fun time, Steve.” Steve waved at her through the passenger window while Robin walked her up to the front of her house. In the backseat, Angie and Damian watched the girls awkwardly hug and make small talk. “Y’know, I don't get why Robin doesn't just make a move.” Angie sounded frustrated, but Steve had no clue what move Robin would pull. “What do ya mean?” Steve asked. When he approached Robin about having any crushes, she just laughed in his face.

Angie scoffed, “that bite of cheesecake Robin gave her? Just get married already!” Angie and Damian mocked the scene that took place in the diner by replicating the sounds Summer made when accepting the bite. Steve, still clueless, just laughed at their mocking antics and started the car back up when Robin walked back.

“Okay, Dinguses,” she put her feet up on the dash and pointed forward, “onward to drop off these last two losers.” A chorus of ‘heeeey’ broke out from Angie and Damian, making Robin chuckle while avoiding playful slaps.

While driving to Angie’s, Steve kept peeking into the rear view mirror to find Damian’s stare waiting for him. It made Steve’s stomach flutter a bit when Damian’s eyes smiled at him, no malice attached.

The air was changing around Steve. Not in a dramatic, tense way like when he entered the tunnel to the UpsideDown, but rather, in a muted way. Like watching the sun disappear behind magenta and golden clouds as cicadas hum their summer songs.

“Hey, Steve,” Angie broke the silence, “my house is just straight up this street. Don't worry about driving Damian, he's staying with me tonight.” That relieved a small part of Steve after hearing about the incident with Damian’s father. When he pulled up to her house, and the pair left his car, he waved goodbye, smiling a bit harder when Damian looked back at him.

✧ ✧ ✧

Now, it was just Robin riding in the passenger seat. “So to my house or yours?” Steve asked. Robin huffed, “I have to go to mine. I need to shower and grab some clothes, say hi to my parents, I guess. Tomorrow I can, though.” Robin tried her best to offer some reassurance to the lonely boy. “Yeah, it's cool, Robs, I’ll take ya home.”

The drive home was peaceful and quiet. Robin occasionally would mention how ‘pretty’ Summer was or how ‘sweet’ her voice sounds. Meanwhile, Steve would just throw an “uh-huh” her way to keep her talking.

When they reached Robin’s house, she reached over, and ruffled Steve’s hair as fast as she could before he could attempt to hit her. She bent over to look into the passenger window, “I love ya. Get home safe.” Which was followed by her sticking out her tongue. Steve smiled, “love ya, too, Dingus.”

And now it was time to face his loneliness. Time to go back to the shell of what could've been a home. Steve took his time driving back. Taking the scenic routes, stopping to stare at the moon. He even considered stopping at a gas station for some candy, but decided that stalling wasn't going to fix that he was alone.

His bones became heavier as he walked up to his front door. Once inside, he made a beeline straight to his dad’s old record collection, rummaging for the only album that could sound the way a hug feels.

He trudged up the stairs, taking his time to look at family portraits. “When were we ever a family?” he thought.

Steve, toeing off his shoes at his door, walked over to the record player, put on the album, and laid down. His mind was moving without him so fast that his body was completely exhausted.

His eyes followed the needle, the way his eyes follow the ripples in water when he'd skip rocks at the lake. Completely transfixed, too afraid to lose sight of the natural rhythm.

 _Where did your long hair go_  
_Where is the girl I used to know_  
_How could you lose that happy glow_  
 _Oh, Caroline no_

Steve could feel his eyes getting misty, but he couldn't care to bring his hand to wipe the threatening tears away. He doesn't even really know why he's crying, he just feels… like crying.

 _Who took that look away_  
_I remember how you used to say_  
_You'd never change, but that's not true_  
 _Oh, Caroline you_

He wanted to think of something happy, something other than everything that's happened in this town.

So he thought of Robin. He reminded himself that she'll be over again tomorrow night after their shift. They could watch Indiana Jones or even Blade Runner. They could pig out and forget they were the outcasts for a bit. Maybe even have another lesson on LGBT politics.

 _Break my heart_  
_I want to go and cry_  
_It's so sad to watch a sweet thing die_  
 _Oh, Caroline why_

He thought of his new babysitter reputation. He loved knowing these kids had safe places to go. He didn't mind that they came into the store all loud and obnoxious. No matter what they've been through, they can still get excited over Back to the Future on VHS and cold Coca-Cola bottles. He admired their nobility and resilience.

 _Could I ever find in you again_  
_The things that made me love you so much then_  
_Could we ever bring 'em back once they have gone_  
 _Oh, Caroline no_

His mind drifted to thoughts of Damian. His vulnerability, his laughter. How softly he touched his forehead. Steve could feel his cheeks warm up from the memory. Oh, how he wanted to move closer. To be held for a fleeting second. To lean into the boy’s touch and say, “girls don't make me feel _this_ way.”

He sat up. Hearing that line in his head, over and over and over again. Letting it marinate. He whispered it to himself. Spoke again, this time, a little bit louder. Now, it was a question. He asked it again. Then, it became a statement. A fact.

Before he could finish completing his last sentence, the record hummed, signifying it was done playing. Carefully, he removed the album off the player and back into its sleeve. He stared at the album, mentally thanking it for its cathartic melodies. Once stored away on a shelf, Steve sat down on his floor.

His hands trembled. He wanted to say that sentence again. Say it to himself like when his mother used to make him pray in church.

It was back to a whisper. “Girls don't make me feel this way.” His hands, still shaking, made their way into his carpet. Grounding himself the way he used to as a kid when his parents first began to leave him alone at the house.

The sentence echoed in his mind while he rummaged through his memories of the time Robin described her sexuality, and how she said it was a spectrum. A spectrum of attraction.

Steve stood up, and began pacing his room, thinking about Damian, about his hands, his lips, his eyes, his skin. It wasn't really normal to think about your best friend's friend in that much detail, he considered. But how is he sure that he experiences this spectrum?

Steve found himself in front of the mirror. He looked at the sweat forming on his forehead, the shakiness of his hands, the way he wanted to shrink away into his childhood closet. And he looked at his eyes. Followed a lonely tear all the way down until it dried on his neck.

He reached for the phone, letting himself slide down against the wall until he was sitting. The dial tone felt too loud in his quiet house.

“Hello?” Robin’s sleepy voice floated into Steve’s ears. He was now full on crying. “Robin, Robin,” he cried, “I figured it out.”

He could hear her shuffling to hear him better. “Figured what out, Steve? What's wrong?” She was genuinely concerned because Steve never really cries, he just ingests all of his emotions and moves on.

“Robin, I think I’m on your spectrum.” She still couldn't make out what he was saying. “Steve, please, be clear with me. What's wrong, are you okay?”

And then he started smiling, and crying a little harder. “I-I like guys and girls.” And then he started to laugh. “Robin! I like guys and girls!”

There was a silence on the other end. And then more tears. “Steve, oh my god.” She choked up at the giddiness of her best friend. “Yes! You do like both and that's okay!”

Steve couldn't stop the way his heart leaped in his chest, as if it was saying “thank you for believing me.”

They cried for a few minutes longer, but it felt like years had flown by. The house was so quiet, and yet, it was so loud. It was filled with revelations and acceptance and hope, all stemming from Steve’s room.

After wiping his tears away and blowing his nose, Steve spoke, “thank you, Robin. Thank you for believing in me a-and for being my best friend. And for helping me see myself a lot more clearer.”

Steve could hear her sniffling and smile over the phone, “I want to be here for you like you were to me. You're my best friend, Steve.” They both laughed and sighed, shaking off the intense cry they shared.

“So,” Robin started out, “those eyes you were giving Damian _were_ flirty eyes.” Steve heard the stupid grin in her voice. “Yeah, okay,” he admitted, “Damian is pretty! There, I said it.” He sounded annoyed, but really, he was relieved. Relieved he could say that and not just think it. Could talk about it to Robin and not have to add a “but I'm not a fag” at the end of his sentence.

“Robin? How did you do it by yourself?” He couldn't imagine feeling all these things and just… holding them inside. Not even her four walls knowing that secret.

She stayed silent for a bit before finally speaking. “You don't really… do it. It just happens. One minute, you're the same you've always been and the next, you are your own puzzle to solve. You question all your movements, you even begin to question whether you're meant to be on the planet.” Steve's heart ached at her words. A life without Robin? It's unthinkable now. He continued listening. “But then you finish the puzzle. And you see the picture, and it's so comforting. And complete and just… you.” Steve got it. Every word she said, he knew exactly how she felt.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “Uh, hey, Robin?”

“Yeah, Steve?”

“Thanks for realizing you're meant to be on the planet.”

She chuckled, “well, maybe I should've reconsidered ‘cus now I'm stuck with you, Dingus.”

All Steve could do was laugh, “yeah, you're stuck with me.”

They ended up falling asleep on the phone together. Steve sheepishly apologized and offered to help pay for Robin’s phone bill.

✧ ✧ ✧

The next morning, Steve walked out of his house and looked at the sky instead of the ground. He traced the shape of puffy clouds with his finger, and allowed the sun to cradle him before he went off to work. It was all the same. The same sky, the same sun, the same air, and yet, it wasn't.

When Steve got into his car, he found his Beach Boys tape and played it. He sang at the top of his lungs, " _Sometimes I feel very sad, can't find nothin’ I can put my heart and soul into, I guess I just wasn't made for these times._ ”

Steve may not be made for these times, but he'll survive them with his badass lesbian best friend by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe you've read all of that! thank you so much!! it's hits, kudos, and !comments! that makes me wanna write these stories. this fic is a little reminiscent of when i discovered i was queer and i hoped i translated all those feelings well enough. 
> 
> as a gift for finishing this, i've created a playlist that you can find with this link! 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/j.flowerrs/playlist/1ha5GGRKDb126F8WjZNyEP?si=AbELB5AVTT-XcxeiJj95eg
> 
> sorry y'all, i don't know how to link stuff!


End file.
